Being a victim of something and having a victim mentality are two distinct concepts. They should never be confused with one another. One is based on reality and the other is based on negatively aimed speculation and overthinking.

Think of how devastating it would be to tell a victim of sexual abuse that they have victim mentality and they are simply overthinking what happened to them? Inversely, think of how dangerous it is to give someone with victim mentality all the support and validation that an actual victim should get. This would be fueling someone’s delusions about something that probably didn’t even happen. Here are 6 key differences between the two.

Experience vs. Perception:

Being: Refers to a person who has genuinely experienced a negative event, circumstance, or harm. They have been directly affected by an external situation or action. This can be something like being bullied, having a stalker, getting punched in the face, or getting in a car accident. True victims have a real experience not a perceived experience.

Mentality: Involves a mindset where a person perceives themselves as a victim in various situations, even if they have not necessarily experienced harm or wrongdoing. It’s a way of thinking and interpreting events rather than an actual experience of victimization. It’s not to say that they didn’t experience some form of abuse. However, they usually don’t make any attempts to get to the root of the problem and are content to complain about it endlessly or use it as leverage at any moment.

External Circumstances vs. Internal Beliefs:

Being: Results from external factors or events that are often beyond a person’s control, such as accidents, crimes, or natural disasters. The person can be expecting to be assaulted, but they usually never see it coming, unless of course the situation is one of their own making. In that case they are still a victim of something.

Mentality: Arises from internal beliefs and thought patterns that lead someone to view themselves as a perpetual victim, even when their external circumstances may not warrant such a perspective. The “Why Me?” types of people come to mind here. At that point, they have already accepted that “Bad” things tend to happen to them. Anywhere they go they will be discriminated. Any commentary heard, seen, or even asked for is twisted and construed into a personal attack.

Response and Coping Mechanisms:

Being: After experiencing a negative event, a victim may go through a period of healing, recovery, and adaptation, seeking support and solutions to address the specific issue. They will try to find the root cause of how they feel. This can be misinterpreted as having victim mentality by those who don’t want to actually help these people solve their issues, or by those who just want someone to blame and to dismiss the person.  

Mentality: Individuals with a victim mentality tend to focus on perceived injustices and may not actively seek solutions or take responsibility for their own actions. They often dwell on past grievances. They will bring up something that happened that is unrelated to what is being addressed now as a way to avoid accountability or a sense of guilt. It’s easier for them to just be like, “I’m a part of this group of people and they are always being oppressed. It has nothing to do with what I may or may not have done.” The way they cope is to avoid the root cause.

Empowerment vs. Helplessness:

Being: People who are victims of circumstances can still find ways to regain their sense of empowerment, overcome challenges, and move forward in life. Say you were a targeted individual in a work setting. Someone who just happens to be on the receiving end of jealousy or envy is the most likely to experience this type of phenomenon. Someone who is a victim of this would most likely start to change their behaviour. Whether that means laying low, improving their productivity, or going to an ethics committee with a paper trail of the offenses they have incurred and asking for a solution.

Mentality: They often feel helpless and believe that they have no control over their lives or the ability to change their circumstances. Do you ever notice someone who barely does any work, and is always complaining about how they are never considered for anything at work? Why would anyone consider someone for a promotion if all they do is complain? They have repeatedly demonstrated that they can’t even do what they were assigned to do.

Someone with victim mentality would equate it to their skin colour or cultural background. They would do absolutely nothing to improve themselves for consideration, or wouldn’t even defend themselves properly. These types would just complain to as many ears that will listen, and not to any entity that can actually help them.

Accountability and Responsibility:

Being: Victims can acknowledge the event or circumstance that caused harm but do not necessarily shirk responsibility for their actions and choices before or after the incident. They are completely accountable for their contribution, if any, to what they experienced. They would even go as far as to look at themselves first before pointing fingers at anyone else. Once they are certain of how much they contributed to what happened they will begin to look at the patterns of behaviours in those who are suspected to be responsible for what happened to them.

Mentality: Those with a victim mentality often place blame on external factors or other people for their problems and tend to avoid taking responsibility for their own decisions and actions. They almost always cry wolf in a situation that they themselves created. If you try to tell them it’s because of something they did they will always have an excuse as to why it isn’t them, which is almost always unrelated to what happened. Or they will accuse you of siding with the other person. The bottom line is that they lack both accountability and responsibility for their contribution to the situation.

Duration and Recurrence:

Being: Victim status is typically associated with a specific event or period, and it may or may not have long-term effects on a person’s life. The experience is often finite since they tend to move on from it and don’t allow it to rule their lives. They may be cautious if they see repeating patterns or similar traits, but that’s normal. At times, bad things can just continually happen to individuals by external factors, and in this case no you do not have victim mentality. However, if it is being done by people you keep around you then it may be a lack of self respect and boundaries that you need to address.

Mentality: A victim mentality can persist over time and may apply to various aspects of a person’s life. It’s an ongoing pattern of perceiving oneself as a victim in different situations. Especially if nothing has actually happened or they did the most in bringing misfortune to their doorstep. If you re always rude to the servers at a restaurant, is it really surprising if they don’t want to interact with you or take very long to serve you? If this happens and you know full well that you’re continuously rude and you blame it on them being racists, then you may just have victim mentality.

Conclusion on Mentality vs. Reality

In summary, being a victim of something is an actual experience resulting from external circumstances, while having a victim mentality is a psychological mindset that involves a consistent perception of victimization, often in situations where it may not be warranted.

That’s not to say that you can’t be a victim with a victim mentality. In fact, such a combination can be unexpectedly powerful. Especially in the world of today. Knowing the difference between being a victim of something and being inflicted with victim mentality is useful in any setting. You don’t want to fuel someone who is delusional, and you don’t want to deny support to someone who genuinely needs it. Be aware of the difference between these two concepts